Victories

The most I can say for myself today is
I didn’t kill myself
I stopped taking my medication
Because I was tired of observing my emotions through a brick wall made of fog
I’m still alive
Because for yet another day I’ve conquered the desire
To strip myself of my own life
I’ll add this battle to hidden tally on my wall
Hidden where others can’t see it
A scar so perfect no one knows it’s there

The Chasm

This month I shine
I fall in love with everyone around me
Nothing is too big or too much or too scary
Everything is divine

This month I stumble
The garden shed of my existence is bereft of seed
On the inside I bleed
My emotional current operates silently, without a rumble

I oscillate, never knowing how long each phase will linger
Or how each phase will abandon me
Wondering who I am and who I’ll be
Or if I’ll recognize the warning sign: danger

The future is an abyss
A place I cannot fathom
I’m afraid to jump, afraid I’ll miss
Yet still I jump across the chasm